People tend to be the most critical of the people with whom they spend the most time. In marriage, it is especially this way. We do not give our spouses enough room to move. Eventually, our expectations of perfection choke them out of their own personality and self-worth.
When you get to know someone in such an intimate way, your ability to appreciate their good qualities is often altered by the mistakes they have made or the hurt they have caused.
I have been married to my wonderful wife for 9+ years. I know this is not very long as compared to others. One observation about myself in this relationship, is that I find myself trying to excuse my weaknesses and bad choices by blaming my faults on her. This is a very stupid and immature thing to do. But unfortunately, people do this in relationships all of the time.
In close relationships faults are very apparent, sometimes gleaming. Selfishness and pride cause individuals to use the negative traits in their spouses to get by with the continuance of behavior that is both poor in judgment and in scope.
As a cancer survivor to this point, who is just happy to be alive, I am begging those of you who are married to see the person you married as the most wonderful person on the earth. Don't execute such harsh judgment. If you are healthy then you should be happy. If you have today to spend with that person then make the most of it. See this person as the person you married for all of the right reasons. Examine your own weaknesses and contribute to the effort of love and peace in your home.
They say a wife and husband,
Bit by bit,
Can rear between themselves a mighty wall,
So thick they cannot speak with ease through it,
Nor can they see across it, it stands so tall.
Its nearness frightens them, but each alone
Is powerless to tear its bulk away; and each
Dejected wishes he had known
For such a wall, some magic thing to say.
So let us build with master art, my dear,
A bridge of love between your life and mine,
A bridge of tenderness, and very near,
A bridge of understanding, strong and fine,
Till we have formed so many lovely ties,
There never will be room for walls to rise.