In Proverbs 31, King Lemuel remembers the words of his mother. Solomon says this is a good idea, "My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck" (Prov. 1:8-9). Within these memories we see advice for being a good leader, as well as an exaltation of a virtuous woman, fully described with the accompanying characteristics.
The question at the hub of the chapter is in verse 10, "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies." In the 21st Century world finding a godly mate can be a challenging task. But our good king indentifies her in this passage. His words hold the keys to unlocking the secret to selecting the right kind of wife:
1. She is hard to find (v. 10). The point is made at the beginning, that you can't find a good woman just anywhere. You must work hard and be selective. Be patient!
2. She is trustworthy (v. 11). If you want to be happy in your marriage you need to locate that person who would never betray your trust, who you could confess your darkest sins to, who you could reveal your wildest dreams to, and who in return would never take advantage of your vulnerability, but instead support you and help you.
3. She is good (v.12). Even a short amount of time with someone will tell you the disposition of their heart. Is she kind? Does she speak well of others? Does she want to help others? Is she humble? If you want a good wife, find the good before you find the wife.
4. She has a solid work ethic (v. 13-25). The greatest portion of this proverb includes all of the work a virtuous woman does. In a godly home, the hardest and most dedicated worker is the female. It is crucial that you choose a spouse who is not afraid to get her hands dirty, who is not always wishing to be pampered. She needs to make you want to outwork her.
5. She is benevolent (v. 19-20). A Christ-like woman is compassionate. She will care enough about those who are less fortunate to do something about it. She will help you see that you can do without some things in your home so that others do not have to do without in their homes. She will make your home a place for others to recline.
6. She wears spiritual clothes (v. 25). The most beautiful women in the world are not those who wear Gucci, Chanel, Dior, and Versache. They are the women who wear strength, honor, charity, humility, and gentleness.
7. She speaks softly (v. 26). "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." I cannot improve on that discription. No further comment is needed.
8. She is not interested in gossip (v. 27). A spiritually-minded lady will not partake of the bread of idleness. When we are not busy in God's business, we end up in everybody else's. Find a bride who is already setting goals for herself in the kingdom. She will not need to ride on coattails.
9. She is praised by her family (v. 28). A husband will always be greatly blessed by a wife who prioritizes her family. A woman who gives her every breath to making her husband and children better will be genuinely loved and appreciated. She is a woman whose happiness is wrapped up in the happiness of her home.
10. She fears God (v. 30). Marry a woman who loves God more than she loves you. Marry a woman who respects God more than she respects you. Marry a woman who will please God over pleasing you.
You may say to yourself, "Wow, how can I find a woman like that?" There is a probably a lady out there who is not only trying to be this kind a person, but who has a list of qualifications for the man she wants to marry as well. Marriage is the most important commitment between humans on earth. It is serious. It is for life. Not only is it your prerogative to have a list of qualifications for your potential mate - it is your Christian responsibility.
May God bless you as you seek to find your helpmeet and the love of your life. May His providence lead you to that union. May your marriage praise and honor His wonderful and glorious name!
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." ~ Proverbs 18:22
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